10 Weird And Crazy Laws From Iowa

Iowa is widely considered as a famous flyover state in the United States. That’s actually not true — there’s more than just corn, cows, and country music playing. Some famous celebrities such as Johnny Carson, Elijah Wood, and Tom Arnold all came from the Hawkeye State. Olympic gold medal gymnast Shawn Johnson and NFL quarterback Kurt Warner also were born in raised in the Midwestern state. Whether they realized it or not, all of them had to deal with some pretty stupid laws. Here are some of the best ones that we found still in the rule book.

Horses Can’t Eat Fire Hydrants

Apparently fire hydrants are a delicacy for animals in Marshalltown, Iowa. We don’t really understand what’s so attractive about something a dog pees on, but now it makes sense that cows eat lightposts (they don’t really, but it wouldn’t surprise us if they did).

Ministers Can’t Move Wine Out Of Iowa

Looking to get away for a while and bringing the Blood of Christ with you? Only if that vacation spot is within state lines. Otherwise, you’d better keep that holy drink at home.

Can’t Celebrate After Shagging

After making love with a woman in Ames, a man isn’t allowed more than three drinks of alcohol while lying or cuddling with them. Considering it’s a college town, we’ll assume that this law has been violated many times.

Firefighting Requires Pretend Activity

In order to be an official firefighter in Fort Madison, one must practice their skills for 15 minutes before attending a real fire. We’ll assume this has to be done in a local school playground where other kids are playing “cops and robbers” at the same time.

Mustached Men Can’t Kiss Women

This might actually be a rule some ladies are OK with. Those creepy dudes with mustachios can’t legally kiss women in public.

Men Can’t Wink At Women

A law in Ottumwa states that men can’t wink at women they don’t know. Even if you know the lady, it’s always awkward to wink at someone.

Can’t Kiss For More Than 5 Minutes

If a man can actually win the heart of a woman without wearing a mustache or winking at them, they can only French them for a limited time. Anything longer than 300 seconds is illegal.

One-Armed Piano Players Can’t Make Money

It’s already pretty tough for somebody with one arm to play a tune on the piano. Iowa law makes it even worse by not allowing them to make dough in the process.

Brick Throwing Requires Permission

In Mount Vernon, you can throw rocks, stones, bricks, or whatever as long as you go through the proper channels — that’s asking City Council. With their approval, you can chuck that brick through a hated ex-girlfriend’s pad as hard as possible.

You Can Shoot Native Americans

Hopefully a family of five Indians never approaches a household in Iowa at one time. Otherwise, it’s OK for somebody to whip out their gun and start firing at them.